After an unfortunate haircut resulted in my near-balding, I was granted a short but poignant week of precognitive powers.
Being unable to conceive of a scenario wherein I would exchange money for the dubious experience of watching the new Star Wars 'prequels' films ('prequel' being Nabooian for 'take the money and run'), I used some of my visions of the future to watch 'Star Wars, Episode III' when it was broadcast on television (a surprisingly short time after its major theatrical release).
Lucas gave a brief press conference (when cornered while stuffing grocery bags full of cash into his private jet) in which he expressed his dissatisfaction with audience reaction, coupled with his desire to manually scrape fond childhood memories from the brain-pans of everyone who is currently between the ages of 18 and 28, using salad tongs.
So, without further nonsensification, here are 19 reasons "Star Wars Episode III" was a really stupid, pointless movie*.
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