King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Jeremiah the Zealous Assistants
Chode the Squire
Support Staff
Harry Canary the Apothecary
Topsy the Friar
R-cus the Bard
Might:good
Skill:good
Cunning:average
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Thorsday, Marsh 28th:
While Sir Jeremiah the Zealous travels in South-West Oluraremaaglen, he meets a clumsy peasant in a farm . He tells Sir Jeremiah that there are whispers a deplorable danger preys upon the unlucky about the woods of East Oluraremaaglen, 14 days ride away.

Sir Jeremiah the Zealous promises to kill this fell fiend.

Jeremiah vows to save the unlucky folk of "Oluraramagalana... shi sha shoo... shi shu sha... oy..."
Awkward silence from all.
So anyway, armed only with his... average cunning and mighty.... flag... Sir Jeremiah sets off to dispatch this deplorable danger.
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    Friarday, Marsh 29th:
Riding north , Sir Jeremiah meets a thug in a plain in South-West Oluraremaaglen.

The thug's experience overwhelms Sir Jeremiah; but Sir Jeremiah's muscle is superior to the thug, and Sir Jeremiah's swiftness overcomes the thug. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has defeated the thug!

The thug attempts to incapacitate Jeremiah by brandishing his impressive resume, but Jeremiah just flexes his well-toned biceps and the thug is rendered helpless and stupified. Jeremiah takes this oppurtinity to kick the thug in his face. Before continuing he scoops up the resume so that he may take it into consideration later on.
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    Satyrday, Marsh 30th to Moonsday, Rill 2nd:
Sir Jeremiah the Zealous goes to the north-east confidently, from a swamp in South-West Oluraremaaglen to a plain in West Oluraremaaglen.

Chode, Topsy and Harry C, being the useless ninnies they are, have begun a marathon of... i don't know, eating their clothes. First one to eat every last thread of their garments wins.
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    Twosday, Rill 3rd:
Voyaging east , Sir Jeremiah the Zealous comes upon an old merchant in a plain in West Oluraremaaglen.

Chode the Squire talks to her. The merchant chats with Chode for a while .


Chode bores the merchant and vice-versa. They decide marriage vows are in order. Chode promises to return. In the meantime he purchases... a watermelon. Man, what boring folk.
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    Wedday, Rill 4th:
Traveling east , Sir Jeremiah confronts a wolf in a woods in Central Oluraremaaglen.

The wolf's wiliness is too great for Sir Jeremiah, however Sir Jeremiah's vigor overwhelms the wolf; also Sir Jeremiah's agility overcomes the wolf. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has slain the wolf!
In the melee, Topsy the Friar is injured!


The wolf tries to trick Sir Jeremiah with riddles and clever wordplay, but Jeremiah just keeps saying "Watch me do cart-wheels" and "I'm going to do one hundred one-handed push-ups! 1, 2, 3,...".
Chode throws the watermelon at the wolf. The wolf melts. Topsy eats pieces of the watermelon soaked with melted-wolf. Bad idea. Plus he was kicked and punched multiple times by Jeremiahs cart-wheel 'attack'.
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    Thorsday, Rill 5th:
Voyaging east , Sir Jeremiah meets a bear in a woods in Central Oluraremaaglen.

The bear's sagacity is too great for Sir Jeremiah's cunning--but Sir Jeremiah's strength is superior to the bear, and Sir Jeremiah's speed overwhelms the bear. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has defeated the bear!

Sir Jeremiah uses judo-chops, karate kicks and kung-fu grips to defeat the bear.
The gang attempts to give kudos through mouthfuls of rank garments.
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    Friarday, Rill 6th:
Riding east , Sir Jeremiah the Zealous comes upon a spotty bumpkin in a farm in Central Oluraremaaglen.

Chode the Squire shares stories with him. The bumpkin gossips about his friends .


Chode bores the bumpkin and vice-versa, so promises of hands in marriage are made and we all go along our way. (ugh)
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    Satyrday, Rill 7th:
Sir Jeremiah the Zealous treks to the east peacefully through a woods in Central Oluraremaaglen
Topsy the Friar dies of his injuries!


While Jeremiah peacefully treks, Topsy grows ever-more sick by the combination poison watermelon/internal bleeding. He dies from said ailments. To no ones laments.
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    Sonday, Rill 8th:
Journeying east , Sir Jeremiah meets a thug in a plain in Central Oluraremaaglen.

The thug's ruse is superior to Sir Jeremiah's cunning--but Sir Jeremiah's quickness overcomes the thug; and Sir Jeremiah's strength is too great for the thug. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has slain the thug!

Thug1: "Gimme your flag!!"
Jeremiah: "K."
Chode: "No, don't do that!"
Jeremiah: "Oh.. almost got me there, didn't you Mr. Thug?"
Thug1: *ashamed*

Jeremiah springs in with the quickness and does a Hungarian flag dance that can't be beat. If that doesn't kill all whos minds with evil dwell, then the simultaneous ripping out of their hearts and brains will!
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    Moonsday, Rill 9th:
Traveling east , Sir Jeremiah the Zealous comes upon a lithe peasant in a farm in East Oluraremaaglen.

Chode the Squire talks to her. The peasant gossips with Chode .


Third marriage vow in 7 days! That Chode is a smooth talker.
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    Twosday, Rill 10th:
Traveling east , Sir Jeremiah comes upon a bandit in a plain in East Oluraremaaglen.

Sir Jeremiah's experience can not overcome the bandit's artifice--yet Sir Jeremiah's power overcomes the bandit; and Sir Jeremiah's swiftness outdoes the bandit. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has slain the bandit!

Thug#2: "Gimme your flag!"
Jermiah: "K."
Chode: "Hey! What did i just say!?"
Jeremiah: "uhhhh...."

Jeremiah dispatches the thug in a predictably kung-fu-ian manner.
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    Wedday, Rill 11th:
Rambling east , Sir Jeremiah the Zealous runs into a raven haired peasant in a woods in East Oluraremaaglen.

Chode the Squire argues with him. The peasant argues back .


They argue over... oh i don't know... bread. Who makes the best bread. Probably some guy in a bakery. They shake hands in agreement.
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    Thorsday, Rill 12th:
Sir Jeremiah the Zealous reaches the woods of East Oluraremaaglen and finds a dire snake.

Sir Jeremiah's hardiness is too great for the snake, but the snake's skill overcomes Sir Jeremiah; moreover the snake's experience is superior to Sir Jeremiah's cleverness. Sir Jeremiah the Zealous has been defeated by the snake!
In the melee, Chode the Squire is injured!


Snake: "Gimme your flag. hisssss!"
Jeremiah: "oh-ho! not this time!"
Snake: "I just want to look at it! i'll give it right back!"
Chode: "for the love of..."
Snake: *hypnotizes Chode* You will encourage your friend. hisssss"
Chode: "I shall encourage your friend. Friend, i'm encouraging you. Be encouraged!"
Jeremiah: "K. Here ya go Snake." *Hands flag over*
Snake: *realizes he just got a flag.... nothing more*
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    Friarday, Rill 13th:
Sir Jeremiah the Zealous rests in a woods in East Oluraremaaglen.

After 1 day, Chode the Squire feels better.

In his stupidfied state, Chode walkes off a cliff... onto pillows! Verily did he get a good nights rest.

The end (of the worst tale ever manufactured).
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