King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Seth the Formidable Assistants
Lance the Squire
Samuel the Sage
Support Staff
Edmund the Guide
Honker the Lunger the Bard
Might:good
Skill:average
Cunning:good
Bravery:bold
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Thorsday, Septre 23rd:
While Sir Seth the Formidable travels in West Aiglen, he meets a handsome villager in a town. He tells Sir Seth that there are whispers a dire brute lives close to the woods of South-East Aiglen, 15 days ride away.

Sir Seth the Formidable swears to overthrow this lethal monstrosity.

Only after he has pulled his dripping gob out a bucket of mead. seems the old rhino hided clank bucket needs fortifying before putting on his metal pants, let alone taking on a bad guy.
woods woods woods
farm town woods
woods farm woods
    Friarday, Septre 24th:
Riding south, Sir Seth the Formidable confronts a towering peasant in a farm in South-West Aiglen.

Lance the Squire argues with her. The peasant argues back.


Telling Lance, "i'm not that sort of girl." she flounced off. and shouted over her shoulder "At the very least not for the amount of slotniks you offered." Rounding on Sir Seth, she promptly began to pummel him with her ham sized hands. Finaly in desperation Sir Seth spanked her with the flat of his sword and kick his war horse Gaunt the Flatulent in the sides and scurried off. I think we should have a talk with Lance about the appropriate words to have with farm wenches bigger than you.
farm town woods
woods farm woods
farm woods woods
    Satyrday, Septre 25th:
Voyaging east, Sir Seth encounters a wolf in a woods in South-West Aiglen.

Sir Seth the Formidable battles the wolf to a standstill...then The wolf's quickness matches Sir Seth, but Sir Seth's ruse is too great for the wolf, also Sir Seth's hardiness is superior to the wolf. Sir Seth the Formidable has slain the wolf!
In the melee, Samuel the Sage is injured!


Ok it was like this. Sir Seth was snorkling down another flagon of mead when this big hairy wolf jumped us. Gaunt the flatulent went fwwwaaaap and kicked Sir Seth off, and headed for higher ground. I am swinging my saxaphone at the wolf when Samuel the Sage, who has been investigating the cosmic significance of his navel, thanks to a home brew of Malarkey Mushrooms and Unicorn Unrine comes out of the wagoon all whoooo and hoooo. Yelling "I cast a spell on the foul lupine!" when the dern wolf just up and bit him. Thanks to the distraction of the wolf knawing on Samuel's tender rear end, Sir Seth managed to brain the wolf with a spatula from his mess kit and we finaly managed to call it a day, with a truly nice wolf stew courtesy of yours truly.
town woods woods
farm woods farm
woods woods woods
    Sonday, Septre 26th:
Voyaging east, Sir Seth meets a brigand in a farm in South-West Aiglen.

Sir Seth's quickness can not overcome the brigand's skill, but Sir Seth's cleverness outdoes the brigand...furthermore Sir Seth's energy is superior to the brigand. Sir Seth the Formidable has slain the brigand!

They were both drunk. They were playing the game "pin the squire to a wall with a dagger." When Angus Bandy Leggs managed to stabb Lance in the thigh. Oh what a laugh, I tell ye I had tears in my eyes. The down side was Sir Seth spilled his mead all over Angus. Angus cried "Party Foul!" and the haggis was on! Next thing you know Seaxes and Tennis Rackets were flying. Eventually, Sir Seth, Samuel the limping Mage and I held Angus down. Sir Seth stuffed tradtional peace keeping cheese cake down Angus's Trollop and good will was restored all the way around.
woods woods plain
woods farm woods
woods woods woods
    Moonsday, Septre 27th:
Trekking east, Sir Seth the Formidable comes upon a spotty woodsman in a woods in South Aiglen.

Lance the Squire shoves him. The woodsman shoves Lance back.


From this point on Lance the Squire will be referred to as Lance the Sniveling Squire. Seems he didn't like playing "Pin the Squire to the wall with a dagger." Took it out on some poor spotty fellow. wanker.
woods plain plain
farm woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Septre 28th:
Trekking south, Sir Seth confronts a bear in a woods in South Aiglen.

The bear's strength outdoes Sir Seth--yet Sir Seth's agility overwhelms the bear...also Sir Seth's ruse is too great for the bear's wiliness. Sir Seth the Formidable has defeated the bear!
In the melee, Lance the Squire is injured!

Samuel the Sage feels better!


The bear was sick. Seems the poor creature had just had his way with a village that had been inflicted with monkey pox. He was just begging for release. Sir Seth asked Lance the Sniveling Squire to fetch his broad sword, guess who cut himself pulling it out of the scabbard? Never trust a Squire with a sharp instrument. Samuel found Sir Seths hidden cache of Black Berry Confessional Brandy. Seems he is on the mend. At least, unitl Sir Seth finds out.
farm woods woods
woods woods woods
woods river swamp
    Wedday, Septre 29th:
Sir Seth the Formidable rides to the south confidently through a river in South Aiglen

Snored his way is more like it. At least he did until he fell off Gaunt the Flatulent. River water can be an almost magical cure for the blind staggers.
woods woods woods
woods river swamp
town woods woods
    Thorsday, Septre 30th:
Voyaging south, Sir Seth comes upon a wolf in a woods in South Aiglen.

Sir Seth quickly overwhelms the wolf. Sir Seth the Formidable has slain the wolf!
Lance the Squire feels better!


What is up with all these wolves? You'd think that the South fold was empty of sheep. Sir Seth's new motto "Spatula, never leave home with out it!" Another night of wolf stew. Samuel mumbled some sort of drunken incantation over Lance the Sniveling Squires hand. Healed it. Now Lance the Sniveling Squire has two left hands. Hahahahahaha...
woods river swamp
town woods woods
plain woods woods
    Friarday, Octre 1st:
Journeying south, Sir Seth encounters a bear in a woods in South Aiglen.

The bear's grace outdoes Sir Seth, but Sir Seth's toughness is too great for the bear's hardiness; and Sir Seth's strategy is superior to the bear's artifice. Sir Seth the Formidable has defeated the bear!
In the melee, Lance the Squire is injured!


I was in the process of helping out Samuel make a new bear rug for the wagoon, when who should show up? Mrs. Bear. It appeard to us that, She took umbrage with Sir Seth Wacking her old man. Just to prove her point, she bit one of Lance the Sniveling Squire's left ummm right or was it his formely known as right hand off. Getting tired of the antics of his bleeding squire. Sir Seth used the Holy RPG of Byzantium and ended Mrs. Bears rant. I am still picking pieces of her out of my hair. Yuuck. Up side was Samuel got to work on Lance the Sniveling Squire. Lance now has the hand of a three year old. Hahahaha I don't know how much more I can handle.
town woods woods
plain woods woods
    Satyrday, Octre 2nd:
Trekking east, Sir Seth encounters a wolf in a woods in South Aiglen.

The wolf's skill is too great for Sir Seth; but Sir Seth's cleverness is superior to the wolf, and Sir Seth's strength outdoes the wolf's force. Sir Seth the Formidable has defeated the wolf!

Spaaaaaaaaaatuuuulaaaaaa! seems to be our new catch phrase for this particular quest. And, Anyone want more wolf stew?
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
    Sonday, Octre 3rd:
Sir Seth the Formidable goes to the east confidently through a woods in South Aiglen

Yes, Boringly yes, he went confidently thru the woods til, Lance the Sniveling Squire began sniveling. I am afraid we were forced to bind and gagg him. The tone of his voice would pierce stone, I tell ye.
woods plain woods
woods woods woods
    Moonsday, Octre 4th:
Going east, Sir Seth the Formidable meets a lank woodsman in a woods in South Aiglen.

Samuel the Sage shoves her. The woodsman runs away.


Trying to get accurate directions to the "Bloody Crusaders Head Pub and Grill." The Woodsman got a little lippy with us.
plain woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Octre 5th to Wedday, Octre 6th:
Sir Seth the Formidable voyages to the east confidently, from a woods in South Aiglen to a woods in South-East Aiglen.
Lance the Squire dies of his injuries!


It was the liver and spleen pie that killed Lance the Sniveling Squire. We all kept telling him he should have ordered the white fish. But, did he listen to us..nooooooooo.
woods woods woods woods
woods woods woods woods
    Thorsday, Octre 7th:
Rambling east, Sir Seth the Formidable comes upon a vivacious merchant in a woods in South-East Aiglen.

Samuel the Sage boasts to him. The merchant gasps.


All right we were looking for underwear. Seems that being on the trail for over a month and a half tends to leave one needing certain replacement items. Clean Yak Wool underwear is one of them. I mean how many times can you turn them back to front and inside out? Samuel was trying to grift some extra Slotniks... mumbling something about an enlargement potion he had available. Seedy business at best.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Friarday, Octre 8th:
Sir Seth the Formidable reaches the woods of South-East Aiglen and finds a deplorable lion.

Sir Seth's force outdoes the lion; moreover Sir Seth's wisdom is equal to the lion, but the lion's swiftness is superior to Sir Seth. Sir Seth the Formidable has been defeated by the lion!
In the melee, Samuel the Sage is injured!


Let me state here and now. A spatual might be good for wolves. Its ____e for taking on lions. Grabbing a magical elixir bottle to throw on the lion Samuel grabbed Sir Seths bottle of Confessional Black Berry Brandy instead. Thinking that Samuel was making fun of the lion's lioness..the creature mauled him repeatedly. After pranging my saxaphone off the lions head and calling him hurtfull names, I managed to drive the lion off. I am afraid that it looks like Samuel might catch an express frieght for the choir invisible soon. Sir Seth I thik will know be known as Sir Seth the Stumpy. Lions like leggs it seems.
woods woods town
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Octre 9th:
Sir Seth the Formidable rests in a woods in South-East Aiglen.
Samuel the Sage dies of his injuries!


Yep Samuel shuffled off into the gloaming last night. The Whimpers and moans trailed off sometime before first light. Found him dead clutching his favorite Barbie Doll and old copy of the Republic. May the saints have mercy on his soul.
Sir Stumpy err umm I mean Sir Seth might pull thru as long as I can sneak up on him and cauterize his wounds with my trusty red hot shovel.
woods woods town
woods woods woods

Basic TaleBard's Tales
Write a Bard's Tale
Shield DesignComments?
betatest my game, WyvernQuest
Back to: King Dwain   Polymorph
#7542