King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Jonathan the Valorous Assistants
Bitey the Squire
Willis the Sage
Support Staff
Mayo the Friar
PumkinCarverD the Bard
Might:average
Skill:good
Cunning:good
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Sonday, Joon 4th:
While Sir Jonathan the Valorous travels in South Marlihton, he meets a weak peasant in a farm. She tells Sir Jonathan that people believe that a fell creature lives close to the plain of North-East Marlihton, 16 days ride away.

Sir Jonathan the Valorous binds himself to kill this fell danger.

Jonny met the weak peasant when he asked Sir Jon to open the bathroom door, which he was struggling with. Half an hour later the peasant came out (infinately stinkier) and told him about the fell creature that resides in a hovel on the plains to the north-east.
plain swamp swamp
farm farm swamp
swamp swamp swamp
    Moonsday, Joon 5th to Twosday, Joon 6th:
Sir Jonathan the Valorous travels to the north eventlessly, from a swamp in South Marlihton to a woods in Central Marlihton.

We passed a sign that said, "Eating Rabid Gophers Are good For The Prostate". Evidently, Sir Jon's Squire is A rabid Gopher... he glared defiantly at the sign.
river farm woods
plain woods plain
plain swamp swamp
farm farm swamp
    Wedday, Joon 7th:
Venturing north, Sir Jonathan the Valorous meets an unkempt peasant in a farm in Central Marlihton.

Willis the Sage argues with him. The peasant argues back.


The unkempt peasant emerged from a pile of Whatsit, rising from it like he was one with the steamy substance. He asked if we wished for enlightened knowledge. Willis denounced the mans "magic" as simple parlor tricks. I wonder what Willis was talking about, it seemed Quite impresive to the rest of us.
woods woods plain
river farm woods
plain woods plain
    Thorsday, Joon 8th:
Journeying north, Sir Jonathan the Valorous encounters a tall woodsman in a woods in Central Marlihton.

Bitey the Squire shoves her. The woodsman runs away.


This was a terrifying encounter. a tall, genderly-confused, woods-person walked by, eating FunDip(TM). This made Bitey go berserk and head-butt him/her repeatidly. And, because he/she was a wimp, he/she ran into the forest shreeking. we then enjoyed the bags and bags of FunDip that the woodit dropped. It was all great until that jerk Willis put his Dip in my Fun. I shall have my revenge.
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
river farm woods
    Friarday, Joon 9th:
Going north, Sir Jonathan the Valorous comes upon a pretty peasant in a woods in Central Marlihton.

Willis the Sage argues with him. The peasant makes a rude gesture towards Willis.


Willis is a real jacka$$. we were all happily walking, Bitey nestled in his master's pack, when Willis started an unprovoked arguement with a peasant about the inappropriate use of the beauty spell. the peasant was so taken aback by the slander that all he could do was blink in amazement. As he walked away, and gestured a common finger sign to Willis... L for loser.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
    Satyrday, Joon 10th:
Going east, Sir Jonathan comes upon a boar in a woods in Central Marlihton.

The boar's toughness overwhelms Sir Jonathan--but Sir Jonathan's dexterity outdoes the boar's skill; and Sir Jonathan's experience is too great for the boar. Sir Jonathan the Valorous has slain the boar!
In the melee, Bitey the Squire is injured!


As we were resting in a clearing, a Boar suddenly burst from the woods and charged Sir Jon. Like a steak of fuzzy lightning, Bitey the faithful gopher threw himself at the boar, deflecting the attack and broke every bone in his rodent body, leaving him to live the rest of his life as a toup%E9. Sir Jon saw the shattered body of his companion and something snaped. it was nightfall before we could get him to stop stabbing the corpse.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods plain farm
    Sonday, Joon 11th:
Voyaging east, Sir Jonathan the Valorous confronts a flaxen-haired woodsman in a woods in Central Marlihton.

Mayo the Friar talks to him. The woodsman gossips with Mayo.

Bitey the Squire feels better!


We wraped Bitey in a bandanna and Sir Jon wore him as..well..a toup%E9. Liddle Guy...so brave. Mayo met a woman today. He said she had grass hair or something. I dont even know why he's here... i mean, he does nothing. Nothing. he just sits around in battles and watches, doesnt document them, just watches.
woods woods farm
woods woods swamp
plain farm town
    Moonsday, Joon 12th:
Journeying east, Sir Jonathan encounters a bandit in a swamp in East Marlihton.

The bandit's force outdoes Sir Jonathan, however Sir Jonathan's cleverness overwhelms the bandit, and Sir Jonathan's nimbleness is too great for the bandit. Sir Jonathan the Valorous has driven off the bandit!

We saw the bandit, he popped out of the swamp. took him a while to get to us though, being a swamp and all. The downside, even though your enemys go slow, so do you. after he got to us, he told us he needed the gopher for his prostate. This threw Jon into a fiery rage, and he threw his sword at the bandit. Too bad the bandit hadnt thought of that first, cause we were sitting ducks.
woods farm swamp
woods swamp swamp
farm town swamp
    Twosday, Joon 13th:
Sir Jonathan the Valorous rides to the north without incident through a farm in East Marlihton

As the random program describes, no incident... well, actually, Jon was still blood-thirst from the last battle, so he killed Two cows, several pigs, and a chicken named Gus. He and Bitey where made for each other.
woods plain river
woods farm swamp
woods swamp swamp
    Wedday, Joon 14th:
Riding north, Sir Jonathan meets a bandit in a plain in North-East Marlihton.

Sir Jonathan's power find no weakness in the bandit...yet Sir Jonathan's speed overcomes the bandit; moreover Sir Jonathan's strategy is too great for the bandit. Sir Jonathan the Valorous has slain the bandit!

We found a man puting up those prostate signs, and Sir Jon and Bitey went and... well lets just say there was lots of screaming, lots of blood, and a slice of cantolope served at the end.
town plain plain
woods plain river
woods farm swamp
    Thorsday, Joon 15th:
Traveling north, Sir Jonathan the Valorous runs into a stout peasant in a plain in North-East Marlihton.

Willis the Sage argues with her. The peasant argues back.


This stout Peasant simply said abra-kadabra and Willis went ape on him. like really, we need a new magic-user, i think ours is broken.
woods plain woods
town plain plain
woods plain river
    Friarday, Joon 16th:
Sir Jonathan the Valorous moves to the east without incident through a plain in North-East Marlihton

Since both Willis and Mayo are useless, we told them to go home and join a social group or something. Mayo agreed to return to his grass girl, and Willis said something about a Sci-Fi convention. life is good now.
plain woods plain
plain plain plain
plain river plain
    Satyrday, Joon 17th:
Venturing north, Sir Jonathan comes upon a boar in a woods in North-East Marlihton.

Sir Jonathan isn't even slowed by the boar. Sir Jonathan the Valorous has decapitated the boar!

With the Idiots gone, we hack though wildlife, Take THAT p.e.t.a!!!!
plain plain plain
plain woods plain
plain plain plain
    Sonday, Joon 18th:
Sir Jonathan the Valorous ventures to the north quickly through a plain in North-East Marlihton

Making good time, and furthur more, Bitey has been Miraculously cured and is a spry as ever.
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
plain woods plain
    Moonsday, Joon 19th:
Going east, Sir Jonathan meets a thug in a plain in North-East Marlihton.

Sir Jonathan far outclasses the thug. Sir Jonathan the Valorous has decapitated the thug!

Bitey goes high, Jon goes low. a man/rodent tide of death, the stuff of legends and tabloid magazines.
plain plain plain
plain plain farm
woods plain plain
    Twosday, Joon 20th:
Sir Jonathan the Valorous reaches the plain of North-East Marlihton and finds a harmful evil knight. Sir Jonathan the Valorous escapes from him!
In the melee, Bitey the Squire is injured!


After 6 days, Bitey the Squire dies of his injuries.

We reach the hovel and a Knight walks out...surprising! not the place we'd expect a knight, but hey, we still gotta kill it. Bitey dove at its face and... oh god!!! he Bit OFF IS FACE!!! in Desair we ran from this hell knight. R.I.P Bitey
plain plain plain
plain plain farm

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