King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Albert the Zealous Assistants
Harold the Squire
Xavier the Trainer
Support Staff
Annie the Cook
Coidzinius the Bard
Might:good
Skill:average
Cunning:good
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Wedday, Decre 23rd:
While Sir Albert the Zealous travels in East Mulshire, he meets a flaxen-haired peasant in a farm. She tells Sir Albert about suspicions that a dire miscreant stalks the unwary close to the woods of South Mulshire, 14 days ride away.

Sir Albert the Zealous swears to execute this hateful danger.

That broad totally just came up to Ol' Al while he was passing out religious pamplets and worked over him like a pro. She got him right where she wanted him, pinched his wallet, and got him to go after her ex-boyfriend, all without having to take a single tract.

I saw her give the Thieves Guild handshake to a merchant while I was out "shopping" for some fresh eggs for Annie.
town farm
plain farm
plain plain
    Thorsday, Decre 24th to Satyrday, Decre 26th:
Sir Albert the Zealous rides to the south-west without incident through the plains of East Mulshire.

Nothing much happened during this ride, we passed some riders going north, but when they saw Albert's banner promising death to the heathen and apostate, they buggered out of there real quick.
woods woods town farm
plain plain plain farm
plain plain plain plain
farm woods woods woods
    Sonday, Decre 27th:
Rambling west, Sir Albert comes upon a thug in a plain in East Mulshire.

Sir Albert isn't even slowed by the thug. Sir Albert the Zealous has slain the thug!

Albert tried passing out a religious tract to a foreign family from Gunlam, but they refused saying they were already Thenodists.

Well, Old Al is a Mnenotchikan, and apparently he took offense at this remark, even though they claim to worship the same Deity, Cheez Whiz on Melba Toast, and killed the father of the household.

I just hope he doesn't find out I'm really a Neologian
plain plain plain
farm plain plain
woods farm woods
    Moonsday, Decre 28th:
Going west, Sir Albert the Zealous encounters a deceitful bumpkin in a farm in East Mulshire.

Xavier the Trainer introduces himself to him. The bumpkin shakes hands with Xavier.


That bumpkin totally used the oldest trick in the book when he shocked Xavier with his hand buzzer. For a trainer, Xavier ain't too "smurt," if ya get my drift.

I was in need of practice though, so I picked that guy's pockets for his coin purse and found Xavier's purse, Annie's bra AND panties (I thought she was easy after hearing strange noises in the bushes near Harold's bedroll...), and a forged thieve's guild membership card.

Since that's a major no-no, I stuffed his stuff full of some of Albert's tracts.
woods plain plain
woods farm plain
woods woods farm
    Twosday, Decre 29th:
Venturing south, Sir Albert confronts a bear in a woods in South-East Mulshire.

Sir Albert isn't even slowed by the bear. Sir Albert the Zealous has slain the bear!

Harold was about to get his butt handed to him by this brown bear while he was "foraging" with Annie, but some quick thinking on her part got Albert charging up with a torch in one hand and his axe in the other to "Lay waste to the Infidel Horde."

The bear was dead before its fur even caught fire.
woods farm plain
woods woods farm
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Decre 30th:
Traveling west, Sir Albert encounters a bear in a woods in South Mulshire.

The bear is more than a match for Sir Albert. Sir Albert the Zealous has been grievously wounded by the bear!
In the melee, Harold the Squire is injured!


I told Harold to stop "foraging" with Annie until we got out of Bear Country, but did he listen? NO! He's lucky his wang didn't get bitten off by that Grizzly and just got lost two fingers. At least he was smart enough to play dead.

Albert wasn't wearing his helmet this time when Annie called for "The Lord's Avenging Angel of De-yeath!" to come and "lay waste to the Heathen." So, he accidentally brained himself with the flat of his axe, and the bear proved that he was "holier than thou" to Albert.
woods woods farm
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Thorsday, Januar 1st:
Sir Albert the Zealous's injuries take a turn for the worse.

Albert found out what Annie and Harold were doing before the bear attacked and got so upset his arm flesh burst open.

I think he almost had a heart attack. I'm searching through his stuff for first dibs...
woods woods farm
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Friarday, Januar 2nd:
Sir Albert the Zealous dies of his injuries!

R.I.P. Sir Albert the Zealous

Harold the Squire feels better!


Well, Albert's high blood pressure and religious zealotry were the death of him. Or rather, Annie helping Harold with his "Juggling Balls of Deepest Cerulean" in front of Albert when they thought he was asleep made Albert really kick the bucket. Xavier thinks his brain exploded.

I hear some rustling in yon berry bushes, 'tis a good thing I can always sell the videos to "Chefs Gone Wild."
woods woods farm
woods woods woods
woods woods woods

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