King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Todd the Evenhanded Assistants
Cementhands the Squire
Keeling the Standard-Barer
Support Staff
Chumbucket the Cook
Paddy "Three fingers but can still play the fiddle" Muldoon the Bard
Might:average
Skill:good
Cunning:good
Bravery:bold
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Sonday, Marsh 24th:
While Sir Todd the Evenhanded travels in South-East Cyn, he meets an ugly peasant in a farm. He tells Sir Todd of rumors that a baneful hazard feeds upon people about the woods of North Cyn, 17 days ride away.

Sir Todd the Evenhanded promises to execute this hateful threat.

After bein' sep'rated from ol' Cap'n Slappy in the midst of a bloody great roarin' storm just off Tortuga, we four crewmen awoke t' find ourselves press-ganged by some ponce in armor, speakin' Olde English. Cementhands tried t' lay abou' t' ponce with fists an' forehead, but found that it be a futile effort for t' try an' lay abou' a man in armor. Thus we went along on his blasted quest.
swamp swamp swamp
swamp farm swamp
swamp swamp swamp
    Moonsday, Marsh 25th to Thorsday, Marsh 28th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded rambles to the north-west without incident, from a swamp in South-East Cyn to a plain in South Cyn.

That dunce LEFT-tenant Keeling be tryin' too hard for to impress t' ponce. Chumbucket reckons it be his milit'ry background. I says he needs a codswallop of pummelin' wi' fists an' forehead, but Cementhands still 'ad 'is 'ands in bandages.
plain plain swamp swamp swamp
plain plain swamp swamp swamp
plain plain swamp swamp farm
plain woods swamp swamp swamp
    Friarday, Marsh 29th:
Riding north, Sir Todd comes upon a thug in a plain in South Cyn.

Sir Todd proves far superior to the thug. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has decapitated the thug!

T' ponce came abou' some lubber just t'day an' promptly fled, leavin' us pirates for t' lay about wi' fists an' forehead. After we was set for t' make him walk t' plank, that dunce Keeling pointed ou' tha' 'ave no plank for t' walk off, nor sea for t' lubber to walk into, nor sharks for t' eat t' lubber. So we gave 'im t' th' knight for to nick 'is 'ead orf.
woods woods woods
plain plain swamp
plain plain swamp
    Satyrday, Marsh 30th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded goes to the north peacefully through a woods in Central Cyn

T' crew got up an' began holystonin' t' deck, but was forced t' stop by t' ponce on account o' there bein' no deck nor holystones, jus' a bunch o' bumpy roots an' the ponce's armor. Iffen he were t' take it off, I reckoned, there'd be no further problem, but 'e wouldn' listen.
plain plain woods
woods woods woods
plain plain swamp
    Sonday, Rill 1st:
Trekking west, Sir Todd the Evenhanded runs into an enthusiastic woodsman in a woods in Central Cyn.

Cementhands the Squire argues with her. The woodsman argues back.


A fine-lookin' wench wi' a bloody big axe was met t'day. Cementhands, bein' as 'e was a wee bit strange from means o' insufficient roisterin' an' swillin', tried t' take t' wench's clothes. She laid abou' 'im wi' fists an' forehead, an' Chumbucket reckoned she'd be a fine crewperson aboard t' Festerin' Boil, iffen we should find our way back.
swamp plain plain
woods woods woods
plain plain plain
    Moonsday, Rill 2nd:
Traveling north, Sir Todd comes upon a thug in a plain in Central Cyn.

Sir Todd easily dispatches the thug. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has slain the thug!

Met some lubber wi' a big stick, wot tried for t' lay abou' t' ponce. We pirates tried for t' use t' chance t' mutiny against t' ponce. Cementhands clonked 'im over t' head wi' Keeling's standard, Keeling tried t' poke 'im in the arse wi' 'is dinky needle sword, Chumbucket poured a bucket o' chum over t' ponce durin' t' fight, an' I tripped 'im. Dint work. Bloody armor.
woods woods woods
swamp plain plain
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Rill 3rd to Wedday, Rill 4th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded rides to the north quickly, from a swamp in Central Cyn to a woods in Central Cyn.

Cementhands: "If only ol' Cap'n Slappy were here, 'e'd sort out t' ponce soon enough!"
Keeling: "If Cap'n Slappy were here, he'd say 'If only Sir Nigel Blackheart were here!"
Cementhands: "What would Sir Nigel do if 'e were here?"
Chumbucket: "He'd hide in the bloody fog for three weeks."
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
plain swamp plain
woods woods woods
    Thorsday, Rill 5th:
Going north, Sir Todd meets a bear in a woods in Central Cyn.

The bear's power outdoes Sir Todd's might; in contrast Sir Todd's wiliness is superior to the bear, and Sir Todd's speed overwhelms the bear's quickness. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has slain the bear!

T' ponce wet 'is breeches an' fled for t' 'ills when 'e saw t' bear, an' tChumbucket be told 'e were a big 'un. 'Twas a good thing that ol' Chumbucket studied under Rude Goldstein, Master o' Ingenious an' Vaguely Suggestive Traps, an' rigged up a fine contraption o' three buckets o' chum, a dull cutlass, two rottin' trout, a bent branch, five armful's o' leaves, an' a chicken. A good poke t' th' arse sent Keeling runnin' faster enough t' lure 't bear in, and we 'ad bear meat t'night.
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
    Friarday, Rill 6th:
Rambling north, Sir Todd meets a wolf in a woods in Central Cyn.

Sir Todd's cunning can not overcome the wolf; yet Sir Todd's grace is superior to the wolf--and Sir Todd's strength overwhelms the wolf. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has slain the wolf!

Runnin' low on t' grog we 'ad wi' us when we woke up, so we were too rundown t' rightly act when t' wolf came along. Instead o' another Rude Goldstein trap, ol' Cementhands just pummeled it wi' fists an' forehead while t' ponce snored.
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
    Satyrday, Rill 7th to Moonsday, Rill 9th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded travels to the north confidently through the woods of North Cyn.

Grog low. Temper short.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Rill 10th:
Traveling north, Sir Todd runs into a lion in a woods in North Cyn.

Sir Todd's skill is superior to the lion, but the lion's cunning is too great for Sir Todd, and the lion's muscle outdoes Sir Todd. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has been wounded by the lion!
In the melee, Keeling the Standard-Barer is injured!


In t' absence o' pieces o' eight, we bet buttons on whether or not t' ponce woul' survive t' fight wi' t' lion. As a result, me breeches be 'eld up by curiously itchy ivy, an' Cementhands pummeled Keeling wi' fists an' forehead after he tried t' nick 'is buttons back.
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Rill 11th to Friarday, Rill 13th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded rests in a woods in North Cyn.

T' region sou' o' t' equator be right itchy. Bucket o' chum did nothin'. Iffen I only had me some weasel grease!
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Rill 14th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded fully recovers!
Keeling the Standard-Barer feels better!


Keeling woke up t'day wi'ou' memory o' why 'is breeches be unbuttoned. So did t' ponce.
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Sonday, Rill 15th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded reaches the woods of North Cyn and finds a dire lion.

Sir Todd the Evenhanded fights the lion to a draw; and then Sir Todd's cunning is superior to the lion, yet the lion's dexterity overwhelms Sir Todd--moreover the lion's vigor overcomes Sir Todd. Sir Todd the Evenhanded has been grievously wounded by the lion!
In the melee, Keeling the Standard-Barer is injured!


Won me button's back on th' day's gamblin', after correctly-like guessin' that t' ponce woul' trip on 'is unbuttoned breeches in t' fight. Keeling tried t' take back 'is buttons when 'e recognized them, so I pummeled 'im wi' fists an' forehead.
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods
    Moonsday, Rill 16th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded begins to recover from his wounds.

In t' absence o' cannonballs, we rolled stones down t' camp. T' ponce doesn't get it.
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Rill 17th:
Sir Todd the Evenhanded fully recovers!

After 2 days, Keeling the Standard-Barer feels better.

Mutiny! Ol' Chumbucket tricked t' ponce into tryin' t' play a game o' "Whoops-Where's-Your-Bloomers-Lady-Mountworthy", an' left 'im danglin' from a tree while we went lookin' for a good tavern and some lusty, busty wenches. An' maybe a weather eye open for any trace o' th' Festerin' Boil.
swamp woods woods
woods woods woods

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