King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Lionel the Innocent Assistants
Lawrence the Squire
Marie the Standard-Barer
Support Staff
Carol the Guide
Lefticus the Bard
Might:average
Skill:good
Cunning:good
Bravery:bold
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Twosday, Rill 10th:
While Sir Lionel the Innocent travels in South-East Heglellet, he meets a gaunt peasant in a farm. He tells Sir Lionel about suspicions that a harmful beast hunts near the mountains of West Heglellet, 18 days ride away.

Sir Lionel the Innocent makes an oath to destroy this noxious brute.

Yes, Lionel is an innocent, alright--he's not actually a knight: he's a hardware spokesman in a bunny costume. "Leper Lawrence's Colony o' Hardware" hired him to promote their new line in hammers.

Marie was hired to stand out front & hold the "Leper Lawrence" sign. Carol (Lawrence's Vice President of Marketing) isn't sure the whole "leper" angle is good for business.
woods plain
plain farm
    Wedday, Rill 11th:
Riding west, Sir Lionel the Innocent runs into a handsome merchant in a plain in South-East Heglellet.

Lawrence the Squire talks shop with him. The merchant tells Lawrence about being a merchant.


Perhaps Carol is wrong--we met the proprietor of "Honest Abe's Plaguehouse of Home Furnishings" and he seems to be doing brisk trade.
plain woods plain
plain plain farm
    Thorsday, Rill 12th:
Riding west, Sir Lionel comes upon a thug in a plain in South-East Heglellet.

Sir Lionel scoffs at the thug. Sir Lionel the Innocent has slain the thug!

Wow, make fun of Sir Lionel's home-made bunny helmet at your own peril.
plain plain woods
plain plain plain
    Friarday, Rill 13th:
Sir Lionel the Innocent ventures to the west confidently through a plain in South-East Heglellet

Sir Lionel saw a real bunny today. They stared eachother down in an amazing test of wills. I would record who won, but I fell asleep.
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Satyrday, Rill 14th:
Venturing west, Sir Lionel comes upon a bandit in a plain in South-East Heglellet.

Sir Lionel proves far superior to the bandit. Sir Lionel the Innocent has decapitated the bandit!

Lawrence is now having Sir Lionel demonstrate his new line in saws. Poor bandit!
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Sonday, Rill 15th:
Sir Lionel the Innocent rambles to the west peacefully through a plain in South Heglellet

'Peacefully' until Lawrence and Carol finds another horrible implement of destruction that "Sir" Lionel will have to hit people with.
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Moonsday, Rill 16th:
Moving north, Sir Lionel the Innocent comes upon a well dressed merchant in a plain in South Heglellet.

Carol the Guide talks to him. The merchant chats with Carol for a while.


Carol talked to this really boring guy for about 20 minutes. She said it was "networking." Marie brings up her experience as a fisherwoman.
plain farm plain
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Twosday, Rill 17th:
Going north, Sir Lionel the Innocent runs into a robust bumpkin in a farm in South Heglellet.

Lawrence the Squire shares stories with her. The bumpkin gossips about her friends.


Lawrence pulls some travelling-salesman banter out of his um, hat. He sure can shmooze the locals when there's business to be transacted. I'm not sure how the bumpkin is going to use her new set of allen wrenches, but there ya go.
mountains plain plain
plain farm plain
plain plain plain
    Wedday, Rill 18th:
Going north, Sir Lionel the Innocent encounters a black-haired peasant in a plain in South Heglellet.

Lawrence the Squire argues with her. The peasant argues back.


This lady with th' raven locks was not impressed by the monkey wrench demonstration. One can't blame her, however--she has an ACTUAL monkey.
plain plain plain
mountains plain plain
plain farm plain
    Thorsday, Rill 19th:
Journeying west, Sir Lionel the Innocent comes upon an elderly hermit in a mountains in South Heglellet.

Marie the Standard-Barer shoves him. The hermit shoves Marie back.


Marie's fishing stores are ignored again, and this time she turned violent. In the fracas the "Leper Lawrence" sign was broken. If only there was some way to connect two broken pieces of wood back together...
plain plain plain
town mountains plain
plain plain farm
    Friarday, Rill 20th to Wedday, Rill 25th:
Sir Lionel the Innocent rides to the north-west quickly, from a plain in South Heglellet to a mountains in West Heglellet.

A 5-day trip through the mountains. Carol and Lawrence have started working on a theme song for his appliance store, and are making Sir Lionel sing their rough drafts. The rest of us pray for an avalanche & the sweet release of death.
plain mountains farm mountains mountains mountains mountains
mountains mountains mountains mountains mountains mountains mountains
woods plain plain plain plain plain plain
woods woods plain plain town mountains plain
    Thorsday, Rill 26th:
Rambling west, Sir Lionel the Innocent comes upon an average height hermit in a mountains in West Heglellet.

Marie the Standard-Barer dances with him. The hermit winks at Marie.


The latest tune appears to have a beat, and Marie and some random dude can dance to it. Yay!
mountains plain mountains
farm mountains mountains
woods woods plain
    Friarday, Rill 27th:
Riding west, Sir Lionel confronts a brigand in a farm in West Heglellet.

Sir Lionel far outclasses the brigand. Sir Lionel the Innocent has slain the brigand!

6 days in the mountains, and then Sir Lionel gets to whack a farmer upside the head with a hammer. I think he's gotten a little stir-crazy.
mountains mountains plain
mountains farm mountains
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Rill 28th:
Sir Lionel the Innocent reaches the mountains of West Heglellet and finds a dread bandit.

The bandit's cleverness overcomes Sir Lionel's artifice, but Sir Lionel's force overwhelms the bandit; and Sir Lionel's speed is too great for the bandit. Sir Lionel the Innocent has slain the bandit!


Yes, posterity will record that "Sir" Lionel's speed and force were too great. Let's leave aside for the moment the fact that, when "Sir" Lionel started singing his latest Leper Lawrence theme song, the bandit dropped his sword and jumped off a cliff. Huzzah!
mountains mountains mountains
town mountains farm
woods woods woods

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