King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Damon the Honorable Assistants
Harold the Squire
Sandra the Sage
Support Staff
Ivan the Cook
Heccubus the Bard
Might:good
Skill:average
Cunning:good
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Twosday, Decre 29th:
While Sir Damon the Honorable travels in East Rulborlan, he meets a toe-headed peasant in a farm. He tells Sir Damon that people believe that a lethal danger kills travelers in the swamp of South-West Rulborlan, 17 days ride away.

Sir Damon the Honorable pledges to do away with this destructive threat.

OH MY GOD! HIS HEAD IS A GIANT TOE! EVERYBODY RUN FOR THEIR BLOODY LIVES! AHHHHHHHHH! *girlish screaming*
plain plain
plain farm
plain plain
    Wedday, Decre 30th:
Going west, Sir Damon confronts a thug in a plain in East Rulborlan.

Sir Damon is unimpressed by the thug. Sir Damon the Honorable has decapitated the thug!

Who's got the bling-bling now, thug?
plain plain plain
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
    Thorsday, Januar 1st:
Venturing south, Sir Damon encounters a bandit in a plain in East Rulborlan.

Sir Damon's skill is countered by the bandit's agility, but the bandit's toughness outdoes Sir Damon--and the bandit's craftiness is too great for Sir Damon. Sir Damon the Honorable has been wounded by the bandit!

What did I miss? I was making a phone call to Vermont. What do you mean we don't HAVE phones yet? I just used one! No, you're stupid! Oh suck it up, it's just a fleshwound, you wuss.
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Friarday, Januar 2nd:
Sir Damon the Honorable rests in a plain in East Rulborlan.

*stereotypical snoring sound here*
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Satyrday, Januar 3rd:
Sir Damon the Honorable fully recovers!

He follows his revovery with a resounding performance of A Streetcar Named Desire in which he plays every character fully nude. All are scarred.
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Sonday, Januar 4th:
Voyaging west, Sir Damon the Honorable runs into a beautiful hermit in a plain in East Rulborlan.

Sandra the Sage argues with her. The hermit argues back.


The hermit was all "Yo, jerk-face, Kirstey Alley is still as sexy as she ever was!" Sandra was all like "As if!" and then they slapped each other up a bit and left. It was pretty funny.
swamp plain plain
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Moonsday, Januar 5th:
Rambling west, Sir Damon confronts a thug in a plain in East Rulborlan.

Sir Damon isn't even slowed by the thug. Sir Damon the Honorable has decapitated the thug!

Who's got the bling-bling now, thug? (again, I know, but I really don't have any more good calls to make on this anymore)
plain swamp plain
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
    Twosday, Januar 6th:
Rambling south, Sir Damon comes upon a thug in a plain in East Rulborlan.

Sir Damon quickly overwhelms the thug. Sir Damon the Honorable has decapitated the thug!

These thugs are everywhere!
Last night Jesus came to me in a dream and told me to eat pickles, so I did. And they were the best pickles I ever had.
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
swamp swamp woods
    Wedday, Januar 7th:
Journeying south, Sir Damon the Honorable meets a poorly dressed hermit in a swamp in South-East Rulborlan.

Ivan the Cook introduces himself to him. The hermit grins good-naturedly.


Then he winks at him, I think Ivan is a little freaked out now.
plain plain plain
swamp swamp woods
swamp swamp swamp
    Thorsday, Januar 8th:
Journeying west, Sir Damon encounters a bandit in a swamp in South-East Rulborlan.

Sir Damon's cunning matches the bandit's experience...but Sir Damon's grace is superior to the bandit, moreover Sir Damon's hardiness is too great for the bandit. Sir Damon the Honorable has defeated the bandit!

JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!!!!
plain plain plain
plain swamp swamp
plain swamp swamp
    Friarday, Januar 9th:
Sir Damon the Honorable goes to the south quickly through a swamp in South-East Rulborlan

MY MASTER'S GONE AWAY!
plain swamp swamp
plain swamp swamp
plain swamp swamp
    Satyrday, Januar 10th:
Traveling west, Sir Damon encounters a thug in a plain in South Rulborlan.

Sir Damon proves far superior to the thug. Sir Damon the Honorable has decapitated the thug!

Again with the thugs. On the plus side, we have a lovely collection of thug heads growing on our packs.
plain plain swamp
farm plain swamp
plain plain swamp
    Sonday, Januar 11th:
Venturing west, Sir Damon the Honorable meets a clumsy traveler in a farm in South Rulborlan.

Harold the Squire talks to him. The traveler chats with Harold for a while.


As he turns to leave, the traveler trips on a rock and plummets down a hill to his death. We laugh, and continue our journey thinking "ho ho, what a clumsy fellow".
plain plain plain
plain farm plain
plain plain plain
    Moonsday, Januar 12th:
Voyaging west, Sir Damon comes upon a bandit in a plain in South Rulborlan.

Sir Damon's ruse overwhelms the bandit...nevertheless the bandit's quickness overcomes Sir Damon, and the bandit's muscle is too great for Sir Damon. Sir Damon the Honorable has been defeated by the bandit!
In the melee, Sandra the Sage is injured!


Yeah, and of course I have to deal with everyone's oozing fleshwounds. Curse you all!
plain plain plain
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
    Twosday, Januar 13th:
Sir Damon the Honorable rests in a plain in South Rulborlan.

OO EE OO AH AH, TING TANG, WALLA WALLA BING BANG...
plain plain plain
plain plain farm
plain plain plain
    Wedday, Januar 14th:
Going west, Sir Damon comes upon a bandit in a plain in South Rulborlan.

The bandit's strategy can not overcome Sir Damon's cunning; but Sir Damon's force is superior to the bandit's strength, also Sir Damon's nimbleness outdoes the bandit. Sir Damon the Honorable has slain the bandit!
Sandra the Sage dies of her injuries!


Sandra the who? What did she do so far? Nothing! On the plus side, her corpse shall supply us with enough sustenance to last us several days. Cannibalism nothing, we're bloody hungry!
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
woods plain plain
    Thorsday, Januar 15th:
Journeying west, Sir Damon encounters a bandit in a plain in South Rulborlan.

The bandit's skill is too great for Sir Damon, yet Sir Damon's muscle overcomes the bandit; moreover Sir Damon's experience overwhelms the bandit's craftiness. Sir Damon the Honorable has slain the bandit!
In the melee, Harold the Squire is injured!


Now it's HAROLD who's injured. Oh well, I'm out of guaze, you'll have to walk it off...
plain plain plain
woods plain plain
plain woods plain
    Friarday, Januar 16th to Satyrday, Januar 17th:
Sir Damon the Honorable ventures to the west peacefully through the woods of South-West Rulborlan.
Harold the Squire dies of his injuries!


Harold, what did I say about walking it off? Harold? HAROLD? Oh dear...
woods woods plain plain
woods woods woods plain
woods plain plain woods
    Sonday, Januar 18th:
Traveling west, Sir Damon meets a lion in a woods in South-West Rulborlan. Sir Damon the Honorable turns tail from it!

You wuss, he was like, half your size! *I* could've kicked his arse and I'm a skinny, pale, geeky geek. You suck, gimme that sword!
woods woods woods
swamp woods woods
plain woods plain
    Moonsday, Januar 19th:
Sir Damon the Honorable reaches the swamp of South-West Rulborlan and finds a lurking witch. Sir Damon the Honorable flees from her!
In the melee, Ivan the Cook is injured!


After 1 day, Ivan the Cook dies of his injuries.

Everone is dead. Honorable nothing, you are a chicken-wuss Damon. How did you get knighted? You slept with who? GOOD NIGHT! *kills self*
woods woods woods
woods swamp woods
town plain woods

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