King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Paul the Elegant Assistants
Zachary the Squire
Dieter the Standard-Barer
Support Staff
Ivan the Friar
Lefticus the Bard
Might:good
Skill:good
Cunning:average
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Twosday, Decre 1st:
While Sir Paul the Elegant travels in Central Horboh, he meets an ancient villager in a town. She tells Sir Paul that people believe that a malicious danger lives close to the woods of North-East Horboh, 15 days ride away.

Sir Paul the Elegant swears to do away with this dangerous hazard.

Zachery, Dieter and Ivan were part of a barber shop quartet, which was broken up when the malicious danger of North-East Horboh ate their fourth member, Zeek. They swore revenge, and joined up with Sir Paul.
swamp swamp swamp
plain town swamp
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Decre 2nd to Friarday, Decre 4th:
Sir Paul the Elegant treks to the east without incident through the swamps of Central Horboh.

Ivan says "Horboh backwards is....hobroh!"

He sings baritone. Not rocket scientists, those guys.
swamp swamp swamp swamp woods
swamp swamp swamp swamp woods
plain town swamp swamp woods
    Satyrday, Decre 5th:
Journeying east, Sir Paul runs into a boar in a woods in East Horboh.

Sir Paul is unimpressed by the boar. Sir Paul the Elegant has slain the boar!

When the boar attacked, Ivan, Dieter & Zachary did that "hello...Hello...HELLO!" thing that the Three Stoogies did to answer the phone. Hilarity!
swamp woods woods
swamp woods woods
swamp woods woods
    Sonday, Decre 6th:
Moving east, Sir Paul comes upon a boar in a woods in East Horboh.

Sir Paul far outclasses the boar. Sir Paul the Elegant has decapitated the boar!

Woah, Sir Paul certainly is Elegant...when it comes to makin' bacon!

By which I mean, killing lots of porcine creatures, from which one could create the cuts of meat known as bacon.
woods woods farm
woods woods farm
woods woods swamp
    Moonsday, Decre 7th:
Going north, Sir Paul the Elegant comes upon an ugly peasant in a woods in East Horboh.

Dieter the Standard-Barer argues with him. The peasant argues back.


The peasant was like, "You guys can't sing here! I'm trying to hunt stoats!" And Dieter was like, "oh yeah? Well, tomorrow we'll still be singing, but you'll still be...ugly!"

Ivan thought this was an incredible 'zinger,' but it should be noted that Ivan is a clod.
woods woods woods
woods woods farm
woods woods farm
    Twosday, Decre 8th:
Going north, Sir Paul runs into a bear in a woods in East Horboh.

Sir Paul the Elegant melees with the bear to a stalemate--after this, The bear's energy overwhelms Sir Paul's muscle, but Sir Paul's nimbleness overcomes the bear's speed, moreover Sir Paul's ruse is superior to the bear. Sir Paul the Elegant has defeated the bear!

Sir Paul was at a loss as he tusseled with the mighty bear, and then he said "Hey, look at that, over there, not in the direction of where my sword is going to stab you, Mr. Bear!", and the bear was duped by Sir Paul's elegant ruse.

A few minutes after the bear had been killed, I heard Ivan whispering to Dieter "hey, what was that thing Sir Paul wanted us to look at over there? I didn't see anything."
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods farm
    Wedday, Decre 9th:
Sir Paul the Elegant travels to the north eventlessly through a woods in East Horboh

Zachary was like, "An event! An event! My kingdom for an event!" We think he's board, so Sir Paul had him buff all our shoes when we set up camp this evening.
woods woods plain
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Thorsday, Decre 10th:
Riding east, Sir Paul runs into a bear in a woods in East Horboh.

Sir Paul's swiftness is too great for the bear--but the bear's ruse outdoes Sir Paul's artifice...and the bear's might is superior to Sir Paul. Sir Paul the Elegant has been defeated by the bear!
In the melee, Zachary the Squire is injured!


Oh no! Sir Paul's ruse has gotten around in the bear community. This bear was like, "Grrrr! Look there, Mr. Guy in Armor! Thing to look at, away from my claws! Grrr!", and Sir Paul fell for it.

Zachary watched Sir Paul tumble from the saddle, and rushed up to shine Sir Paul's shoes, so he garnered some of the bear's ire too.

Then Ivan scared the bear away by going "Shoo! Shoo!"
woods plain woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Friarday, Decre 11th:
Sir Paul the Elegant rests in a woods in East Horboh.

Sir Paul contemplates the cruel fate that brought him to defeat.

Zachary is bleeding through his bandages pretty quickly.

Ivan has spent the day drop-kicking puffball mushrooms.
woods plain woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Decre 12th:
Trekking east, Sir Paul the Elegant encounters a black-haired traveler in a woods in East Horboh.

Dieter the Standard-Barer argues with him. The traveler argues back.


Even Ivan was not amused by Dieter's "yeah, well, tomorrow we'll still be singing, but you'll still have black hair!" line of argument.
plain woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Sonday, Decre 13th:
Trekking north, Sir Paul comes upon a lion in a woods in North-East Horboh. Sir Paul the Elegant runs from it!

We turned tail and fled from the big mean lion. Ivan and Dieter went, "a lion....a Lion..." and (to his credit) Zachary attempted to do the last "A LION!" but it sounded more like "a Li..ouch! My bear-wounds are killin' me!"
woods plain woods
plain woods woods
woods woods woods
    Moonsday, Decre 14th to Twosday, Decre 15th:
Sir Paul the Elegant journeys to the north eventlessly, from a plain in North-East Horboh to a woods in North-East Horboh.
Zachary the Squire feels better!


We thought Zachary was near death, but after a few days of eventlessness, he was up and about and full of pith and vinegar. He attempted a sprightly jig to prove his healthfulness.

It was a horrible thing to see.
woods woods farm
woods woods plain
woods plain woods
plain woods woods
    Wedday, Decre 16th:
Moving north, Sir Paul the Elegant confronts a gaunt woodsman in a woods in North-East Horboh.

Dieter the Standard-Barer talks to him. The woodsman gossips with Dieter.


Dieter is getting better at doing P.R. for the barbershop trio. Plus, Ivan smacked him with a big stick when he started to go "...but tomorrow, you'll still be a gaunt woodsman!"
woods woods farm
woods woods farm
woods woods plain
    Thorsday, Decre 17th:
Sir Paul the Elegant reaches the woods of North-East Horboh and finds a destructive giant. Sir Paul the Elegant retreats from her!
In the melee, Ivan the Friar is injured!


After 4 days, Ivan the Friar feels better.

Sir Paul says that he was about to ride down to the giant and cut its head off, but there were knightly codes about not decapitating LADY monsters.

Ivan was stunned to finally find a woman who was taller than him, so he didn't turn his horse to run away with the rest of us as fast; he was clipped by a tree she threw at our retreating group. It took many days for him to recover from that injury, but I think a sliver of the tree broke off and lodged in his heart.

I mean to say, a sliver of LOVE broke off of the tree and lodged in his heart. Otherwise, he would be dead as...something that's REALLY dead, because its heart got something lodged in it.
woods woods farm
woods woods farm

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