King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Harry the Courteous Assistants
Seth the Squire
Timothy the Blacksmith
Support Staff
Michael the Apothecary
Lefticus the Bard
Might:average
Skill:good
Cunning:good
Bravery:bold
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Friarday, Marsh 29th:
While Sir Harry the Courteous travels in North-West Olihhirshire, he meets a skin-and-bones villager in a town. She tells Sir Harry that people believe that a deadly villain feeds upon people around the river of South Olihhirshire, 17 days ride away.

Sir Harry the Courteous promises to eradicate this harmful threat.

Sir Harry is super-courteous, even his heraldry is cheerful. Seth the Squire is also an up-with-people kind of friendly guy. Michael the Apothecary knows about all kinds of herbal happy-pills.

The only sour note: Timothy the Blacksmith is actually a boot-black, a common shoe-shine boy. I'm sure he will be invaluable (SARCASM!)
plain plain
town plain
woods plain
    Satyrday, Marsh 30th:
Moving east, Sir Harry meets a thug in a plain in North-West Olihhirshire.

The thug's artifice outdoes Sir Harry, but Sir Harry's vigor is too great for the thug; moreover Sir Harry's skill overcomes the thug. Sir Harry the Courteous has slain the thug!
In the melee, Timothy the Blacksmith is injured!


Timothy, out of habit, ran out to the fiendish thug's feet and said, "shine yer shoes for ya, guv'ner?" The thug thwacked him on the head with a club.

Sir Harry saw this as an immense breach of protocal, so he killed him. "Him" being the thug; but I think he thought Timothy was rather rude, too...
plain plain plain
town plain plain
woods plain plain
    Sonday, Rill 1st:
Traveling south, Sir Harry the Courteous encounters an average height traveler in a plain in North-West Olihhirshire.

Michael the Apothecary jokes with him. The traveler laughs.

Timothy the Blacksmith feels better!


Michael the Apothecary believes that laughter is the best meducine. Laughter, plus a craw-full of happy leaves.
town plain plain
woods plain plain
swamp swamp swamp
    Moonsday, Rill 2nd:
Venturing south, Sir Harry comes upon a bandit in a swamp in West Olihhirshire.

The bandit's skill outdoes Sir Harry, but Sir Harry's power overcomes the bandit's toughness; and Sir Harry's wisdom is superior to the bandit. Sir Harry the Courteous has slain the bandit!

The bandit dashed up to stab Sir Harry, but Sir Harry said that the bandit needed a letter of introduction to mug us. The bandit was like, "huh?" but Seth said, "yup, Sir Harry's right."

Then Sir Harry whacked the bandit with an axe.
woods plain plain
swamp swamp swamp
swamp swamp farm
    Twosday, Rill 3rd:
Rambling south, Sir Harry encounters a snake in a swamp in West Olihhirshire.

Sir Harry is unimpressed by the snake. Sir Harry the Courteous has decapitated the snake!

Sir Harry was like, "think you're so smart, having no legs, eh? How rude!" Then he killed the snake.

Poor little snake.
swamp swamp swamp
swamp swamp farm
river swamp swamp
    Wedday, Rill 4th to Thorsday, Rill 5th:
Sir Harry the Courteous ventures to the south confidently, from a swamp in West Olihhirshire to a river in West Olihhirshire.

On Rill 5th, Timothy was like, "hey! Today's my Aunt Jeanie's birthday!"

Sir Harry, Michael and Seth sang "Happy, happy Birthday!" to Timothy's Aunt Jeanie. They sung loud enough that she could probably hear it, wherever she was.
swamp swamp farm
river swamp swamp
woods river plain
swamp swamp swamp
    Friarday, Rill 6th:
Moving east, Sir Harry meets a bandit in a plain in West Olihhirshire.

The bandit's ruse is superior to Sir Harry's wiliness, nevertheless Sir Harry's vigor is too great for the bandit, also Sir Harry's skill outdoes the bandit. Sir Harry the Courteous has defeated the bandit!
In the melee, Timothy the Blacksmith is injured!


Sir Harry was kind enough to drive the bandit away without killing it. However, as the bandit fled, he poked Timothy in the gizzard with his knife. Michael the Apothecary was shocked; when I asked him for a comment, he said "um, do people even have gizzards?"

Forget him, I'M doing the narrating. Doofus.
swamp swamp swamp
river plain swamp
swamp swamp swamp
    Satyrday, Rill 7th:
Sir Harry the Courteous journeys to the south eventlessly through a swamp in West Olihhirshire
Timothy the Blacksmith dies of his injuries!


Oh dear. Well, they say when your gizzard gets injured, your life is almost over anyway. Michael is insisting that 'they' don't say that, and I just made it up now, but I've decided not to report that.

Oops.

Seth and Sir Harry courteously buried Timothy in a tasteful ceremony, and they're mailing his left-over shoe polish to his Aunt Jeanie.
river plain swamp
swamp swamp swamp
river woods woods
    Sonday, Rill 8th:
Rambling south, Sir Harry the Courteous encounters a grubby woodsman in a woods in South-West Olihhirshire.

Seth the Squire shoves her. The woodsman shoves Seth back.


Seth said "cleanliness is next to godliness." The grubby woodsman-lady said "I cut frickin' trees down all day. I'm going to be incredibly smelly most of the time. Deal." So Seth pushed her and then we all had to run away at top speed.
swamp swamp swamp
river woods woods
woods woods woods
    Moonsday, Rill 9th:
Venturing east, Sir Harry encounters a wolf in a woods in South-West Olihhirshire.

The wolf's artifice overwhelms Sir Harry, but Sir Harry's power is too great for the wolf, and Sir Harry's nimbleness overcomes the wolf. Sir Harry the Courteous has defeated the wolf!

The wolf charged at us and started snapping and slobbering. "It's impolite to spit while you growl!" Sir Harry said, before giving it a clout on the snout.

He thinks he's so cool.
swamp swamp river
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Rill 10th:
Moving south, Sir Harry runs into a bear in a woods in South-West Olihhirshire.

Sir Harry easily dispatches the bear. Sir Harry the Courteous has slain the bear!

Now he's moved on to easily dispatching bears, eh!? Methinks he's getting a little too smug...
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Rill 11th:
Sir Harry the Courteous treks to the south confidently through a woods in South-West Olihhirshire

Ok, today's confidence was earned: he scared off half a dozen moles before they had the opportunity to kill anyone, even a little.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
    Thorsday, Rill 12th:
Journeying south, Sir Harry comes upon a boar in a woods in South-West Olihhirshire.

Sir Harry is more than a match for the boar. Sir Harry the Courteous has decapitated the boar!

Sir Harry is talking about how his amazing combat prowess is due to the power of positive thinking.
woods woods woods
woods woods plain
woods woods swamp
    Friarday, Rill 13th to Satyrday, Rill 14th:
Sir Harry the Courteous rambles to the east peacefully, from a plain in South-West Olihhirshire to a plain in South Olihhirshire.

Yay, east! The most fun cardinal direction!
woods woods plain plain
woods plain plain plain
woods swamp plain plain
    Sonday, Rill 15th:
Moving east, Sir Harry encounters a thug in a plain in South Olihhirshire.

Sir Harry quickly overwhelms the thug. Sir Harry the Courteous has slain the thug!

Michael applauded Sir Harry's next quick victory. But he called Sir Harry "Mr. Poogle-Floogle Man and a Turkey Vulture." Perhaps those mushrooms he ate were not the species he thought they were.
plain plain plain
plain plain river
plain plain farm
    Moonsday, Rill 16th:
Sir Harry the Courteous reaches the river of South Olihhirshire and finds a lethal witch.

Sir Harry's strength overwhelms the witch, moreover Sir Harry's speed is too great for the witch--yet the witch's maneuvering outdoes Sir Harry's wisdom. Sir Harry the Courteous has been defeated by the witch!
In the melee, Seth the Squire is injured!


Holy toothless crones! This witch beat Sir Harry at his own game: she invited us to sit down for tea, then she blasted us with black magic.

Seth was struck in the face by a beam of high-velocity frogs; we fear for his health. Well, everyone but Michael and Timothy fear for his health; Michael is still stoned out of his mind and Timothy is dead. Poor dope.
plain plain plain
plain river plain
plain farm plain
    Twosday, Rill 17th:
Sir Harry the Courteous rests in a river in South Olihhirshire.
Seth the Squire feels better!


The soothing sounds of the river fixed everything, everyone's all fine, except dead Timothy.

However, we heard that his Aunt Jeanie has become a crime-fighting super heroine somewhere...her power is to throw shoe shine containers at people, really hard.

That's kind of neat.
plain plain plain
plain river plain
plain farm plain

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