King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Dieter the Gallant Assistants
John Connor the Squire
Linda Hamilton the Juggler
Support Staff
Justin Arborpond the Friar
Lefticus Shwartzenigor the Bard
Might:good
Skill:average
Cunning:good
Bravery:bold
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Moonsday, Augen 29th:
While Sir Dieter the Gallant travels in Central Orugcyhlun, he meets an athletic peasant in a farm. He tells Sir Dieter of rumors that a deadly monstrosity lives about the plain of South-East Orugcyhlun, 14 days ride away.

Sir Dieter the Gallant binds himself to eradicate this lethal danger.

Sir Dieter has vowed to hunt down a strange mechanical man from 'da fuhtar', to protect his squire, John Connor.

Linda Hamilton, his juggler, seems rather buff for just a juggler, and carries more semi-automatic hand guns than many entertainers.

Justin Arborpond seems upset about his recent relationship breakup, but less psychotically violent than everyone else.
swamp plain plain
plain farm swamp
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Augen 30th to Wedday, Septre 1st:
Sir Dieter the Gallant ventures to the east quickly through the woods of South Orugcyhlun.

Justin Arborpond keeps trying to get us to do choreographed horseback riding, but Linda Hamilton says we have to keep moving or else John Connor will be killed and everything will be lost.
plain farm swamp plain
woods woods woods woods
woods woods castle woods
    Thorsday, Septre 2nd:
Going south, Sir Dieter the Gallant runs into a beautiful courtier in a castle in South Orugcyhlun.

Linda Hamilton the Juggler talks to her. The courtier turns up her nose at Linda Hamilton.


The beautiful courtier didn't know anything about demolitions, so Linda Hamilton dubbed her "USELESS!!"

Justin Arborpond was entranced by her beauty and body-distorting corset.
woods woods woods
woods castle woods
woods woods woods
    Friarday, Septre 3rd:
Riding south, Sir Dieter the Gallant comes upon a young merchant in a woods in South Orugcyhlun.

John Connor the Squire argues with him. The merchant argues back.


John Connor tried to tell the merchant that we needed more belt-fed high caliber machine gun ammunition, and we needed it for free. The merchant, inexperienced as he was, didn't recognize this as a bid to bargain for cheaper turnips; yelling ensued.
woods castle woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Septre 4th to Sonday, Septre 5th:
Sir Dieter the Gallant treks to the south confidently through the woods of South Orugcyhlun.

Linda Hamilton insists that we set explosive tripwires around camp every night. Sir Dieter thinks that's not very gallant.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
plain woods woods
    Moonsday, Septre 6th:
Rambling east, Sir Dieter runs into a wolf in a woods in South Orugcyhlun.

The wolf's skill is equal to Sir Dieter, and the wolf's ruse matches Sir Dieter's wiliness, but Sir Dieter's vigor overcomes the wolf. Sir Dieter the Gallant has defeated the wolf!

Sir Dieter's vigor + Linda Hamilton's grenade launcher > the wolf's claws.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Septre 7th:
Voyaging east, Sir Dieter the Gallant encounters a lewd woodsman in a woods in South Orugcyhlun.

Linda Hamilton the Juggler flirts with him. The woodsman blushes.


Evidently, bawdy bar-maid jokes are no match for Linda Hamilton's commando tank-top.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Septre 8th:
Sir Dieter the Gallant journeys to the east peacefully through a woods in South Orugcyhlun

Well, it would have been peaceful, had not John Connor blown up that giant oak tree with hand grenades. Justin Arborpond was all pouty, but Linda Hamilton insists that John Connor practice his demolitions.
woods woods plain
woods woods plain
    Thorsday, Septre 9th:
Journeying east, Sir Dieter encounters a thug in a plain in South-East Orugcyhlun.

Sir Dieter's swiftness matches the thug, yet Sir Dieter's resourcefulness overcomes the thug; and Sir Dieter's energy is too great for the thug's toughness. Sir Dieter the Gallant has slain the thug!

That Sir Dieter! With 500 rounds of covering fire, he can out-flank any knife-armed malfactor!
woods plain farm
woods plain plain
    Friarday, Septre 10th:
Going east, Sir Dieter meets a thug in a plain in South-East Orugcyhlun.

The thug's wiliness is equal to Sir Dieter, in contrast Sir Dieter's muscle overwhelms the thug; and Sir Dieter's dexterity overcomes the thug's swiftness. Sir Dieter the Gallant has slain the thug!

Second thug over-kill, same as the first.
plain farm plain
plain plain woods
    Satyrday, Septre 11th:
Sir Dieter the Gallant rides to the east peacefully through a woods in South-East Orugcyhlun

Justin Arborpond got some bunnies to dance with him; it was pretty funny, but then Linda Hamilton woke up stabbing things after having another dream about nuclear annihilation, and that killed the mood.
farm plain plain
plain woods plain
    Sonday, Septre 12th:
Trekking east, Sir Dieter encounters a thug in a plain in South-East Orugcyhlun.

The thug's skill find no weakness in Sir Dieter, but Sir Dieter's strength outdoes the thug, furthermore Sir Dieter's maneuvering is superior to the thug's craftiness. Sir Dieter the Gallant has slain the thug!

This time, Linda Hamilton and John Connor were setting land mines, so Justin Arborpond's bunny squad had to help Sir Dieter overcome the mugger. They went for the jugular.
plain plain plain
woods plain plain
    Moonsday, Septre 13th:
Sir Dieter the Gallant reaches the plain of South-East Orugcyhlun and finds a hateful lion.

The lion's swiftness matches Sir Dieter, yet Sir Dieter's experience outdoes the lion, also Sir Dieter's strength overwhelms the lion. Sir Dieter the Gallant has slain the lion!


Linda Hamilton screamed, "Look out! That's a T-1,000,006! It's made out of LIQUID LION!" Then she shoved John Connor to the ground to keep him away from the confused-looking lion.

Shrugging its shoulders, it decided to try to maul Justin Arborpond, who paused every few paces to freeze in a suave-looking pose.

This confused the beast so much that Sir Dieter managed to poke it in the face with his sword until it was dead.

Then Linda Hamilton said, "At LAST! The nightmare is over...for now."

Then Justin Arborpond started singing....

THE END....???
plain plain
plain plain

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