King Dwain's Wandering Kinghts: Bard's Tales
Sir Phillip the Gallant Assistants
William the Squire
Support Staff
Julius the Guide
Edmund the Apothecary
Heccubus the Bard
Might:average
Skill:good
Cunning:good
Bravery:guarded
Unknown Knight
Entire Journey
DAYSMAP
    Satyrday, Jelly 8th:
While Sir Phillip the Gallant travels in North-West Orarcuhshire, he meets a tall bumpkin in a farm. He tells Sir Phillip that there are whispers a lurking beast lives close to the plain of South-East Orarcuhshire, 20 days ride away.

Sir Phillip the Gallant swears to slay this lurking creature.

So...are we talking, like, "lurking beast" as in: big scary man-eating animal, or "lurking beast" as in: big scary non-man-eating animal? Because either way I'm having second thoughts about this whole "wandering" bit.
farm woods plain
woods farm woods
woods plain woods
    Sonday, Jelly 9th:
Voyaging east, Sir Phillip the Gallant meets an attractive peasant in a woods in North Orarcuhshire.

Edmund the Apothecary argues with him. The peasant argues back.


I am not yet entirely sure why Phillip found the guy attractive, but I guess I'm cool with whatever lifestyle choices he's made in the past.
woods plain woods
farm woods woods
plain woods woods
    Moonsday, Jelly 10th:
Moving south, Sir Phillip the Gallant confronts a blonde peasant in a woods in North Orarcuhshire.

Edmund the Apothecary dances with her. The peasant blushes.


Edmund just sort of waltzed over and started doing a jig around her. When she left, we realized that he had taken most of her jewellry in the process. Edmund is great.
farm woods woods
plain woods woods
woods woods woods
    Twosday, Jelly 11th:
Riding east, Sir Phillip runs into a lion in a woods in North Orarcuhshire. Sir Phillip the Gallant retreats from it!
In the melee, Edmund the Apothecary is injured!


I guess this is some sort of "what goes around comes around" type situation. Edmund has vowed to never use dance as a guise for thievery ever again.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Wedday, Jelly 12th:
Venturing east, Sir Phillip comes upon a bear in a woods in North Orarcuhshire.

Sir Phillip far outclasses the bear. Sir Phillip the Gallant has decapitated the bear!
Edmund the Apothecary feels better!


Bear meat isn't as good as I thought it would be, but then, by the time I got there all that was left was some parts that were not immediately indentifiable.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
    Thorsday, Jelly 13th:
Riding south, Sir Phillip the Gallant encounters a gaunt hermit in a woods in North Orarcuhshire.

William the Squire shoves him. The hermit shoves William back.


This led to one of the fiercest shoving matches I have ever seen. The hermit was pretty pushy for someone who goes to great lengths to avoid human contact. I guess this wasn't really a good way to welcome the guy back into society.
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
plain farm plain
    Friarday, Jelly 14th:
Traveling east, Sir Phillip runs into a boar in a woods in North Orarcuhshire.

Sir Phillip is more than a match for the boar. Sir Phillip the Gallant has decapitated the boar!

Boar meat is much better than bear meat. More snout anyone?
woods woods woods
woods woods woods
farm plain plain
    Satyrday, Jelly 15th to Moonsday, Jelly 17th:
Sir Phillip the Gallant goes to the south peacefully, from a woods in North Orarcuhshire to a plain in Central Orarcuhshire.

*singing off-key*: AND I'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOOOOOOOOLF!
woods woods swamp
woods woods swamp
plain plain woods
plain plain woods
plain plain woods
    Twosday, Jelly 18th:
Voyaging east, Sir Phillip meets a wolf in a woods in East Orarcuhshire.

Sir Phillip is more than a match for the wolf. Sir Phillip the Gallant has decapitated the wolf!

I am tiring of eating ever wild animal that Phillip decapitates. I suppose cooking them would be a better idea, but no one remembered matches. Hopefully the fatal cases of food poisoning will hold off until we're done.
plain woods woods
plain woods woods
plain woods woods
    Wedday, Jelly 19th to Thorsday, Jelly 20th:
Sir Phillip the Gallant travels to the south peacefully through the woods of East Orarcuhshire.

I am getting tired of forest. All we do is wander through forests. I feel like the trees are mocking us, and they probably would if they could talk.
plain woods woods
plain woods woods
plain woods farm
plain woods woods
    Friarday, Jelly 21st:
Traveling east, Sir Phillip the Gallant encounters a lively cleric in a farm in East Orarcuhshire.

Julius the Guide introduces himself to him. The cleric shakes hands with Julius.


Julius was later heard commenting thusly: "Dude, that guy's shake was totally weak. You think he's gay?", Phillip blushed.
woods woods woods
woods farm woods
woods woods woods
    Satyrday, Jelly 22nd:
Riding south, Sir Phillip the Gallant comes upon a youthful woodsman in a woods in East Orarcuhshire.

William the Squire talks shop with him. The woodsman tells William about being a woodsman.


I had no idea how interesting a woodsman's life was. I guess there's more to woodsman-ing than I thought. Maybe it's time for a career change, this whole wandering bard thing is prettly lame.
woods farm woods
woods woods woods
plain plain plain
    Sonday, Jelly 23rd to Wedday, Jelly 26th:
Sir Phillip the Gallant rides to the south-east confidently through the plains of South-East Orarcuhshire.

Well, it may be boring flat land, but it beats the heck out of those stupid forests.
woods woods woods woods woods
plain plain plain plain plain
plain plain plain plain plain
plain plain plain plain plain
    Thorsday, Jelly 27th:
Riding south, Sir Phillip encounters a thug in a plain in South-East Orarcuhshire.

Sir Phillip is unimpressed by the thug. Sir Phillip the Gallant has decapitated the thug!

I can understand Phillip wanting us to eat the animals, I mean, a knight and his followers have to eat right? But was it really necessary to eat the body of the thug and then dance around a fire for hours on end?
plain plain plain
plain plain plain
farm plain plain
    Friarday, Jelly 28th:
Sir Phillip the Gallant reaches the plain of South-East Orarcuhshire and finds a dangerous evil knight. Sir Phillip the Gallant runs from him!
In the melee, William the Squire is injured!


After 1 day, William the Squire feels better.

So much for being Gallant. Phillip returned to the castle and was forced to rename himself Phillip The Little Cry Baby Sissy Girl. Needless to say, his reputation suffered greatly.
plain plain plain
farm plain plain
plain plain plain

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